Back agian...finally, to blog...here is my question today- Are you God's Critic?

So, I haven't blogged in a long time, not since the twins died. God is so faithful.
Since March God has truly worked in my heart until he has all of it again! I thought from my March ramblings (see the post just before this one) that God had my heart even in the midst of the pain. But, I am finding that I had withheld a bit and actually entertained the thought that God "owed me" my babies...more babies...somehow. Not true.
I had been reading Job (book in the Bible) in June/July/August (yes, it took me that long to get through the very meaty book) and found that I may ask of God, I may tell God my heart, my feelings and such but I better be ready when God answers me, responds to me, and rebukes me!!
Job lost his children, everything he owned, his home- everything! And afterward he has quite a conversation with God about it all- then God responds to him...I Love THIS! God responding to the created man!
So, in the book Job speaks of wisdom, of his blessing, and then of his anguish of all that God has taken. His friends remind him of all of God's attributes that basically would point somehow to Job being unfaithful to God...but his friends are wrong! Job does not sin in his anguish!
But he did argue a bit- questioning God's ruling on his pain and his loss...and this was where I found myself these last few months, questioning God on his ruling concerning my babies.
So....then God..........Job 38-42
"Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Tell me, if you know so much.....

Have you commanded the morning to appear and caused the dawn to rise in the east?....

Can you direct the movement of the stars- binding the cluster of the Pleiades or loosening the cords of Orion?...

Can you make lightning appear and cause it to strike as you direct?...

Have you given the horse its strength or clothed its neck with a glowing mane? .....

Do you still want to argue with the Almighty?

You are God's critic, but do you have the answers?"

Aaahhhh....see there, I was being God's critic...but, I did NOT have the answers!
And I like Job had to respond:
"I am nothing- how could I ever find the answers? I will cover my mouth with my hand. I have said too much already. I have nothing more to say."

Then, God tells Job about Himself....after this, Job responds to God that before this time of suffering he had heard ABOUT God, but now had seen him with his own eyes (God's works...heard his voice), then, he says,
"I take back everything I said, and I sit in dust and ashes to show my repentance."
After this, God restored Job!!!!!!!!!!

SO...this is so important to me, I feel as though all my life I have known about God, even have a relationship with him but it seems that when I go through suffering I learn to KNOW God because I literally do not have THE ANSWERS that will make the suffering have some sense to it! I have to rely on the fact that GOD IS GOD....he can command, he can decide, he can orchastrate whatever and whomever he wants-to do whatever he wants and it WILL ultimately bring him glory and the person he is working with will either become stronger because they are choosing to listen and learn from God or they will become weaker because they are fighting the very molding and teaching that God is trying to do through the suffering.

AND....the thought that the suffering and the pain eventually leads to strenth and restoration in my spirit...WOW!!!

Anyway, I have decided to stop.....being a critic! Instead, I want to focus on the mighty God, what he will do, how he does it and how can learn from it!!! TEACH ME, OH GOD!!!

So, the Lord blessed Job after this whole thing. He gave him more children, lands and such. But, he doesn't always bless us in this way- sometimes his blessing is the strength he sends, the lesson learned, the Body of Beleivers that come along side you to help and love you, and sometimes it is just the blessing of KNOWLEDGE- the knowing that HE IS GOD and he has chosen YOU to be in his plan and he doesn't abandon you!!!

So...I am back to blogging (was told to try agian...so here we go..). I am hoping to just share again the lessons I learn along the way, the way the Lord leads me to LIVE ...to SING...
At this time, I am in the midst of rejoicing that my God has restored my JOY and my love for the life he has given me at this moment!

Have a wonderful day....look to see HIS MAJESTY in everything around you...look to see HIS plans....they will definitely be different then what you probably had decided for yourself! Go with it....His plans are best!!!!

The Faithfulness of the WORD in the midst of sorrow...Goodbye my precious little ones...

"Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare of the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I am trusting him. For he will rescue you from every trap and protect you from the fatal plague. He will shield you with his wings. He will shelter you with his feathers. HIS FAITHFUL PROMISES ARE YOUR ARMOR AND PROTECTION............(Psalm 91 :1-4 but continue to read!!!!)

"When we speak truth about God and about what He has promised us, while refusing to believe the lies of the enemy, it causes us to believe God stronger than before. That is not to say we should deny we have problems or struggles, but the way we interpret them may be different. Satan wants us to believe that God has abandoned us and reneged on His promises, but God wants us to know that His pormises are always true in spite of what we can see from our limited human perspective. By asserting our belief in His promises in prayer, we put ourselves in a position to see a lot more from God's perspective and a lot less from the enemy's." (This is a paragraph that I read from "The Power of Praying Through the Bible", by Stormie Omartian p.12)

Psalm 91:4 and Ephesians 6:10-18 mirror one another. These past weeks I have had to truly STAND on the Word of God so that I didn't drown in the midst of feeling completely helpless to save my babies. My family and I wanted these children so much but God had only ordained these babies' days to be very short. At first I was miserable, I wanted to curl up and shut out the world. Then I opened God's Word and read through many verses, chapters and books. I asked for God to help me see HIM through the deep waters of grief and helplessness. I want to list for you the many passages that God brought to me to comfort me, to encourage me, to admonish me when I looked down into the waters that threatened to drown me, to lift me up out of the grave...

Psalm 116- my heart breaks, Romans 8:26,27,28- Holy Spirit, pray for me
Psalm 34- I cry for your help, I will praise you
Psalm 6
Psalm 16- my soul rests, He is beside me, I am not abandoned.
Psalm 138, 139- wow, my babies and I were loved and are still loved
Psalm 23
Psalm 42- I need you, Lord..more than anyone else...
Psalm 46
Psalm 61,62,63- thank you, Lord
Psalm 91, 100- Praise Him!
Psalm 121- my source of help!
John 14:1-30, 15:1-17, 16:12-15, 17:1-26
Romans 8- praise my Lord...he loves me and nothing changes that!
11 Corinthians 1:3-11 There is purpose to this grief.
Ephesians 6:10-18 God does not abandon me, he equips me.
James 1:2-8, 12, 17-18 I can grow....
1 Peter 4:7-11- thank you my sisters and brothers
1 Peter 5:2- thank you my dear Pastors!!!
Romans 12- my Harvest family- thank you for being a BODY, for serving, for loving....

When the WORD states that God's Word is alive it is something to truly stand on. I have been completely sheltered by the Word, loved by the Word, strengthened by the Word, and made ready to again live, love, and sing by the Word.

"In the beginning THE WORD already existed. He was with God, and he was God. he was in the beginning with God. He created everything there is. Nothing exists that he didn't make. Life itself was in him, and this life gives light to everyone. The light shines through the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it." (John 1:1-5)

I am so glad that THE Word I read is also the THE WORD that holds me from day to day.
His mercies are new every morning.
Praise our Almighty God!
Thank you for letting me share my heart today.
To all those who have experienced loss of a child/children or just emotionally found themselves in a place that felt like deep waters pulling you under.....
Know this:
The Lord is faithful and HE IS REAL!

Long time since the last post....and what an adventure I am having!!

Well, I realize that it has been 2 months and 2 days since my last post. Yikes!
Truly, Thanksgiving and then Christmas just took over my time! I haven't felt so good either. Ha ha...there is a reason for that. Most likely in August 2009 we will be welcoming a new little one into our home. Yes, I am expecting my fourth child. It has been such a fun journey to this moment. My kids have been praying and asking for a new sibling for the past three years. Personally, I really thought that God has closed my womb. Then here we are...pregnant!
It is so like the Lord to give you a surprise, to be just like who He is- a loving parent who enjoys giving good gifts to his children. I am so thankful to Him for this baby growing inside me.

This past Sunday we had a lady come to speak from the local Women's Center (an alternative safe place that gives options to pregnant girls, options other than abortion!). She read to us from Psalm 139. As I was listening it just struck me that at this very moment my baby's "delicate, inner parts" were being formed,and he or she was being knit together in my womb. The verse that really just captured my heart was verse 16, "You saw me before I was born. Everyday of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day passed." Isn't this incredible? My child hasn't even started life outside of forming and being made yet God has fully and completely recorded the future for him or her. How good is my God.
This is what gives me the trust that I have in him. He knows me, he knows my child, he has us in his hands. I encourage to read through Psalm 139:1-18, it is so encouraging.

Psalm 16....My Portion

vs. 1:
You are my Lord
Apart from you
I have no good thing
God sometimes I doubt
I don't know my way
Where do I belong

bridge:
You speak to me
Inside my heart
I hear your voice
You instruct my heart
You show me your way
Night and Day I know...

chorus:
You have placed my portion before me
Your grace helps me embrace it
Your love completely surrounds me
My cup runs over with joy

It is good...you are enough for me
I have abundant life
When I'm in your hands

vs. 2
You are my Lord
I know your will not abandon me
God, I am secure
I rest in your love
I belong to you

When I'm An Old Lady

So..I am so thankful this season for my kids. I love them so much. They do truly bring me joy.
My mentor sent me the poem below that made me laugh right out loud because even though I love my kids there are days when I shake my head at the end of the day and think, "why? why? why do they do the things they do?" Do they not see the big picture of what I am trying to teach them or that I really am trying to raise them to be ladies and a gentleman? Of course not! They have no real understanding of all that.....yet! But at night when I do creep in to see if they are okay- they are sound asleep and so precious, I stand over them and thank our God for giving me such precious children!! What gifts!!

Enjoy the poem....laugh out loud!!

When I'm An Old Lady

When I'm An Old Lady, I'll live with each kid
And bring so much happiness...just as they did
I want to pay back all the joy they've provided,
Returning each deed, Oh, they'll be so excited!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.)

I'll write on the wall with reds, whites and blues,
And I'll bounce on the furniture...wearing my shoes
I'll drink from the carton and then leave it out
I'll stuff all the toilets and Oh, how they'll shout!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.)

When they're on the phone and just out of reach,
I'll get into things like sugar and bleach
Oh, they'll snap their fingers and then shake their head
And when that is done, I'll hide under the bed!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.)

When they cook dinner and call me to eat,
I'll not eat my green beans or salad or meat
I'll gag on my okra, spill milk on the table
And when they get angry...I'll run...if I'm able!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.)
I'll sit close to the TV, through the channels I'll click
I'll cross both eyes just to see if they stick.
I'll take off my socks and throw one away
And play in the mud 'til the end of the day!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)

And later in bed, I'll lay back and sigh
I'll thank God in prayer and then close my eyes,
My kids will look down with a smile slowly creeping,
And say with a groan, "She's so sweet when she's sleeping!"
(When I'm and old lady and live with my kids)

Author Unknown

My son likes to dress up and enjoys being an animal, a superhero, a cowboy, a doctor, and lately he loves being Billy Blazes, the firefighter. But this particular morning he decided to emulate a cartoon character on his cereal box!! So..I couldn't resist capturing this funny moment.
"It's Great!"

Every morning we study in our Awana Cubbies book...he then becomes Cubbie Bear for awhile!
I never know who it is that is living in my house from day to day, moment to moment....
I love my son!!

Election thoughts...

My children and I have watched the election very closely. We have studied all aspects of the campaigns and prayed over the men and women running for offices in our government, particularly the president's office.
We have discussed carefully what our response should be if our particular candidate didn't win the election. Well, that has happened.
I am amazed at the derogatory remarks, disrespectful attitudes of many Christian adults toward our President Elect. This saddens me. I do not agree with him, I do not in any way, shape, or form support many of the agendas he has, but I believe that God has laid it out in Scripture that I am to respect the office of president that he will occupy. I must now support him through prayer. If I have any issues that I disagree with then I should look for ways to get involved to change the course of those agendas NOT criticize and speak with malice about him. But, sadly, I am not seeing that in many of the adults that I have spoken with. Instead I have heard many malicious comments toward our President Elect or at the very least comments that totally tear down and not encourage or help....
What are we teaching our children? Are we ignoring God's Word, are we saying it is okay to say things in politics about people when it is never accepted to speak that way to individuals we are daily involved with?, and are we proving to our children that we don't really trust God and his ways? I mean, God is still in control and uses all people to bring about his glory whether or not they "want" to bring him glory (think of Pharoah....Nebachanezzer....Pilate...)!
I really want to help my kids to understand that right now God is in control and he will use these next four year to shape his people. I do not know what the future holds but I know who holds the future and I trust HIM (Almighty GOD) to keep me in his hand as well as my children. God can and will give us the courage and the will to stand for him in the days to come. He will show us how to be actively serving him and actively working toward seeing his principles put into practice whether it be in our lives individually or collectively as a nation.
I hope that we as Christians can look to our President Elect and pray with pure hearts for his turning toward God's voice and God's principles. I pray that we as Christians will stand up and be a beacon of light in this nation even when we are not particularly thrilled with the outcomes of elections, world events and so on...
Please pray for our President Elect- Barack Obama as he gets ready to serve and work for our country. Pray because God requires it of us.